So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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