I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
