I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
