I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
