Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
