what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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