I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They took my balls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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