Can i not drive my cunt home
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
