do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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