Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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