He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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