I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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