youre lurking in front of me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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