I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
