Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
