I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
