If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
