FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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