I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
