I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
