You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
