the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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