Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.