my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
