why didn't you poke me back
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
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Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so let's talk penis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.