I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony