In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
