I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH