So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
