he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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