none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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