There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My penis needs a shock collar
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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