I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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