remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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