Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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