Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
