I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
