she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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