After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
