you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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