you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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