I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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