We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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