U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
