Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
