"it" just moved
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize