So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
