Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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