I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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