1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
