i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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