The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
