I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
