I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
