I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
