Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize