i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
