Banned from zoo.
Again?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
