he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
