Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
