I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
