u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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