its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
