i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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