She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
