i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
