I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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