just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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