You made me cry and you don't even care
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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