either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
