Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
