It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize