Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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