come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
