omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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