When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
